Tactics to Begin Focusing on Yourself - Life After Divorce for Men
- Rene Garcia
- Mar 26
- 11 min read
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Sociologists found that while women suffer more than men after a breakup, they bounce back, better than men do. They're focus on who they are. Sociologists believe that it’s because women undergo much more self realization than guys.
Self realization means different things to different people but in the west, it’s in interpreted as growth in your social circle, body, spirit and just as important, the aesthetics - Yes You Gotta Look Great.
Sociologists may call it self realization but, I call it reinvention and we as men, we suck at it and often get stuck in the what ifs of the past only to end up getting your own mindfucks
If you’re watching this chances are that you tried to fix your marriage that you fought like a warrior but lost and that’s ok.
Now it’s time to change your mindset from that of victim, to that of badass.
Remember this. That the sooner you realize you’re not accountable to her the more empowered you’re gonna feel and the more you’re gonna feel in control of your life.
Accept your situation no matter how reluctant or scared you are. Expand your social circle by getting out of your comfort zone but that means very little, very little if your exterior does not allow others to see to see you in a different light. Upgrade your appearance and style
So here are some steps to bring down that agony and begin your road to recovery.
1st is to get bussy. The paradox of a breakup is that you’re left with all this time leaving you further anxious. You’re left torturing yourself as you can’t accept the enormity of your circumstances as you’re stuck in your quagmire of pity, self doubt and the combination of victimization and guilt.
The last thing you need is time to think because you’re not really thinking. Instead you’re reminiscing and you’re stuck. You’re anxious and an anxious mind goes to some really dark places.
You want to go to a dark place but make it beneficial? Try this exercise. Write down or record your worst case scenario 2 years from now. Worst case in 2 years you’re still grieving the relationship. You’re lonely, lost your job, let yourself go and have a limited relationship with your children. Living in your parent’s place resembling a dorm room. Unkept, out of shape, bitter and angry
Or worse, you save the relationship but are living on borrowed time, only to be going through the same shit, 2 years later.
Then there’s the very worst case of divorced men because we’re 2 and a half times more likely to commit suicide than married guys. I’ve seen it. Men reaching out to me because they want to bite the bullet at the end of a barrell and it’s terrorizing.
Channel that scenario and use it to your advantage because fear, fear is a motherfucking motivator.
Join our confidential Facebook group (Click Here) and channel that energy into posting, put that fear into words. But don’t fall into the trap of posting what your ex did to you.
Stop being the victim. The longer you play the victim, the longer you stay her victim. Stick to writing about your fears rather than about her.
Now, think of the best case scenario 2 years from now. Where will you be, how will you look, will you be fit, how will you dress, act, grow date and even screw. How do you want to be like in 2 years. You’ve just been given the freedom of reinvention and that is self realization.
In a very non-scientificu survey I did in the same divorce support group (Click on Link) I mentioned, 25% of women had cosmetic surgery withing 6 months prior or after their separation. 17% of them did it before their separation showing you just how calculating they can become.
They change their wardrobe, remodel their home, grow their social circle and workout. Guys, we workout, buid something like work on our car, go on vacation but that’s about it. We stick to ourselves
During my separation, I inadvertently did what most females end up doing. They get boob jobs, I got hair transplants. They do retail therapy, so did I. They go to the bahamas or whatever they do, I went to Nicaragua, they take selfiels, I started a youtube channel, they workout, we workout, they do girly stuff and have spa days. I bought a lot of guy grap and got laid.
They take dancing lessons, I went salsa dancing. They do yoga, I meditate, they talk shit, I talk shit.
The point is that women are doing it right so my question is, what are you willing to do not next week, not tomorrow but right now because you realize, all you need is a click of a button to make an appointment right? (Click Here to Make 1 on 1)
People say to write things down I I say bullshit. You have a fucking phone, record yourself. Each of the guys I work with receive an initial recording of our one on one, after sending I often get comments of the clarity that it gives and it checks your state of mind.
Start kicking your own ass by doing HIIT. It’s high intensity for a reason and it’s defined as 70 to 90% of your maximum heart rate.
It will kick your ass and if you’re relatively young there is no excuse. Walking, hiking, jogging, that’s fine but it’s not gonna give you the mental clarity that HIIT gives you because iit’s the fastest reducer of your stress hormone cortisol and it boosts your mood.
HIIT is not a bandaid for stresss it’s the cure for streess. Your stress will go down. You’ll notice a change in your body within 2 weeks. HIIT is quick, quick like it only takes 20 minutes a few times a week and quick in like you’ll notice a change your body right away.
Whether going to go back to stay with your parent or crashing at your friend’s house, keep your environment organized and clean. Take ownership of the of the place during the next few days weeks or months that you’re going to be there.
This is the new you, the accountable you. Staying with a friend for a month? Pay him back, not by rent but by contributing to the house. Offer to paint the room, fix lighting, change door knobs, or anything.
You’re not kissing his ass you’re just making yourself useful. Don’t let your place get disorganized and dirty. That’s a reflection of your mental state and well being
When I was single I upgraded my house and redorated my home thinking that I was gonna be one of the few guys to was gonna have a badass home. Boy was I wrong,
Most single guys our age already have a pretty cool place and a clean place. Paint, buy plants add lighting and mirrors to make the house look larger. Cleanliness increeases endorphins and decluttering improves your focus.
Dishwashing for instance has been shown to decrease nervousness by 27%. That shit she complained about, you not doing things like cleaning up, fixing things, remodeling, guess what, now, now you’re gonna have to do it, like it or not.
Get a new bed, let her keep hers. Rest easy knowing that any guy she brings into that bed, that it was made by the 2 of you.
Keep your sheets white, it will keep you honest by keeping them clean declutter the crap out of your home.
Order a dumpster for a few weeks and throw that shit out. It’s cathartic.
Social media. It’s a bitch. Don’t post anything public that you’re gonna regret, but do post how you feel under private. Private
That way only you can see it. It’s just as good as the real thing and it works as a diary.
Block her from social media. I always hear the old excuse well, we have kids. I call bullshit.there. Here’s the scenario, you’re home feeling sorry for yourself and under the impulse you decide that you’re gonna look up your ex, what she’s up to. Only to find pictures of her with her with some other guys. Guys that you have never met.
You just mind fucked yourself. How long has she been going out with them. Is she screwing them, how could she be there partying while I’m here wanting to die. Don’t go down that gonorhea of shit, just block her. Save your pictures if you want because once blocking her, the ones she tagged you in, will disappear.
Therefore save them and then block her. Think of it this way, if she blocks you, she calls the shots, you lost all the pictures where you guys were tagged together and she decides when to unblock you so you might as well do it before she does and gets any idea to do it first.
The response I get typically is that it’s liberating. Social media is your friend. Go ahead and change your profile picture and cover photo so something badass but don’t do what most guys do and write something silly or write some passive aggressive comment.
Just put a picture of you or one of you and your kids that’s classy enough to tell the world that something is up. Don’t put separated or divorced on your profile, just leave it blank.
Reach out to old friends on social media. Just look them up and comment on any of their posts. Just look them up and if you think they’re doing something you think you’d enjoy like a bar or a concert comment.
"Bro, that looks like fun, let’s hang out"
When they respond just reach out through Direct Message. You guys were once friends for a reason right? Do this especially if they’re single because I can assure you this, that they’re gonna know a lot more cooler places than you do.
Join online dating sites. Not for long term relationships but to date casually. Lots of guys they go around saying that you need to find yourself first or learn about yourself. My response is,
For what?
You’re out there to have fun not get married again. Of the guys that I work with I can count on one hand how many guys shouldn’t be out there dating. The others on the other hand wait just way too long. Even if you feel you’re not ready, still try. You’ll find that there are many good quality women wanting to meet. That you’re more of a catch than you thought. WHich is especially important when your self esteem is down.
60% of the guys started dating within 3 months of their separation. 94% of them said that once joining these sites that they undervalued themselves. Now you might muck things up on your first date and overtalk about your ex. But that’s part of the process and part of the learning curve. It happens
Here’s the caveat though. Do not attempt to do this on your own. Use an expert who specializes in this because there are certain profiles that work better than others and your job it to get this right and become that 1%. Take advantage of this time because you’ve just been given an opportunity and you don’t want to get it wrong. I’ve worked with many guys to maximize their profiles that they usually go from 2 weekly to dozens a week and believe me when I say I know my shit.
So even if you’re good looking and muscular, still don’t post half assed selfies of yourself. Data shows that the most important aspect of pictures is their quality. So sorry if you have that beautiful smile, it’s going to help you better if you take a better picture. I just did a YouTube Stream Regarding How to Get you to top 10% of "Likes" on Dating Apps. It's easy to do. Click Here to Listen to Stream
You may attract some sixes and sevens to your site but not the top tiers.
Expand your social circle and learn something practical, take community college classes, web design, fashion, something on artificial intelligence, sky’s the limit
I took a course on fashion and fabric, would go to LA’s garment district just to learn what works best with what and I got to meet some pretty cool people and learned quite a bit from college students because i tell you what, we generation X, we talk a lot of crap about our young ones but when it’s said and done, they’re ahead of the curve and you do learn a lot.
Check out sites like meet up doc com look up local events that take place in your area with likeminded people. Match.com also has some cool gatherings and you can mingle with the single people. Again, it’s about growth.
Go shopping. If you suck at dressing up don’t be ashamed, it’s my specialty. ⅔ of guys ask their wife to dress them and in another poll I did 42% of men don’t dress up because they don’t know how to. This is why you have to begin hanging out with singles, to get ideas and to learn because style is a legacy our parents didn’t leave us.
You need a group a home. My mission is near and ear to me. Helping men move forward and thrive and to find their masculinity. To give you your money’s worth because after all I love what I do, and you guys are my livelihood. Use me for a 1 on 1 as we go virtual shopping or amazon ideas on what to wear. This outfit for instance, the suit’s from Kohl’s the shirt’s from Amazon. Relatively inexpensive places. But I know it’s not a one size fits all, it’s a comprehensive evaluation of what would fit well with your body and why.
A technique I recommend doing is starting with what you have and getting your clothing tailored, even your Tees. Enjoy your masculinity by trying new men’s products like cologne, facial scrubs, trim that fucking beard and balls while at it and enjoy becoming more purposeful.
People say time can heal wounds but that’s not necessarily true, that's the lazy unimaginative way of thinking. It takes work, you don’t want to scar, you want to grow, you want to develop
Gentlemen, I know life didn’t end up the way you expected it to, you’re hurting, a part of you has diet. You need help. You need guidance. Begin by organizing your life. Set something up and let’s talk, I’ll get your ass loving, almost thanking her for leaving you and you’ll end up thriving. That’s my commitment to you. My coaching is proven to work and I approach every client different. You're not here to just get through this. I know you're thinking that way and that's because you're hopeless right now and your morale is rock bottom. That's where I come in, I come with answers to questions you didn't even think of, I provide you with hope and improve your morale while also getting ahead of the problem.
Men's Divorce Coaching addresses your 2 fronts; the divorce and the recovery part (the fun part). In your recovery we begin with both mental and physical health care which includes fitness. You take an evaluation of your God given talents to make them into strengths, you have 24/7 access to me, style assessment with virtual shopping and yes, we work on you online dating pictures together virtually because I committ to you that you will be the top 10% of online dating guys and by the time I'm through with you, your ex, she'll become a has been, an after thought. My services are affordable and in perpetuity. So Click Here to Get you Started Immediately: Get excited about your future for the first time. Please feel free to make any comments or suggestions
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